scared to be seen.

i used to spend most of many days trying to avoid truly being seen. not as a preoccupation, or an activity for its own sake, but more as a condition for survival - as i saw it.

if you'd asked me 1 year ago how i'd describe my general social identity, i'd most likely have likened myself to a chameleon. i was proud of my ability to shift my shape, form and hue to match that of the present company's. Always more than happy to calibrate my presentation or tone to accommodate the needs of moment - however taxing. i used to disappear to escape the searching gaze of someone else's soul looking to connect with my own.

i was scared. before this time last year, i hadn't spent much time with myself, really. i was content with the mimetic projection of self that i used to navigate my daily goings and comings. but, i hadn't really scratched the service on the "I am" beneath the layers of "personality" that had formed and attached to me (without much resistance) in response to the societies in which i found myself.

the more i appreciate the me that sits behind my habits and conditioning i once thought of as my personality, the more open i am to being seen in the present. i'm noticing that the more i allow myself to be seen - and truly seen - by others, the better i can sense the contours of who i truly am, and in so doing, begin to understand who others might be. the process is an infinite mirror for me.

allowing myself to be seen, is what allows me to really see.

term of the day: self-executing contracts. the building blocks of our future global economy.

song of the day: "Hey Ma" by Chance the Rapper. My favorite song on my favorite mixtape.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuGvfwEL5v4