my deepest, darkest insecurities: pt. 1

in business it's my genuine passion to spend time thinking about how to deconstruct big, seemingly intractable problems, down into a cohesive set of bite-sized, engineered solutions. i've been thinking about how i might apply the same approach to developing a more constructive relationship with my anxieties, insecurities and fears about myself and my future. my conclusion is, i think it's worth a shot.

in my mind, step 1 is for me to do my best to identify my core fears/anxieties/insecurities. these are the ones that my subconscious mind and spirit contend with most often and most vigorously. these are the ones that both hold me back, and make me who i am. that's what i'll do here. there's no time for them all, so i'll focus on the top 5, in no particular order:

• i'm so scared of not being liked and accepted.

• i'm anxious that i'm not doing enough to succeed the way i envision for myself in life.

• i'm scared by how random and close life and death seem sometimes.

• i'm worried that i'm not smart/experienced/old/resilient/white/conservative enough to achieve my professional goals.

• i'm scared that i'll miss the meaning of my life focusing on the wrong things.

i think in part 2, i'll take my first swing at 5 engineered mini-solutions to address each of the above fear-based personal blockers. that's not Friday afternoon work in my opinion, and i'm the boss here lol.

term of the day: compassion. i'm trying to go here first in more of my interactions. it's a matter of intention and practice, i think.

song of the day: LSD by Jamilla Woods (ft. Chance the Rapper). you know how some songs just reliably take you back to an exact moment in time, each time. this does that for me. 2018 dealWIP days in DUMBO, jumping on the F train back down to Ditmas. i played this every SINGLE day on repeat for nearly a month. i'm there right now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwujZo3E_OM