all the lonely people

being on the outside feels so natural to me. it's not lost on me that the insider-outsider dichotomy is only a distinction of perspective. i'm aware that i must seem to somebody like an insider of some sort, in some places. though, i've never really felt like one anywhere. no self-pity there at all. just a matter of fact, honestly.

for me, the downside of being an outsider feels like being stark naked in front of a room full of strangers and invisible in a room full of friends, all at the same time. you're on display in all the wrong ways, and imperceptible in all the ways you'd most like to be seen.

i've always quite enjoyed the upside, though. it's like being a social astronaut or an explorer of some kind. every engagement with the outside world presents an opportunity to observe, test, marvel, wonder and discover. on the outside, you have the space to learn something about the way people and things really work because no one is watching you. you are the watcher.

on the outside, one has no choice but to accept that an inside-outside dichotomy even exists. on the inside one has the luxury (or must contend with the obstacle) of seeing this fact as an open or immaterial question. the outsider's awareness is a gift and a curse. there's freedom and comfort in being the watcher sometimes, but its close companion is a dark loneliness. a feeling that no one else shares your perspective, or ever fully can.

i'll end where i began. it's not lost on me that the insider-outsider dichotomy is only a distinction of perspective. we're all alone together. it's part of the magic of life.

term of the day: Negro League. an incredible history, and quite instructive to those building value on the "outside."

song of the day: "new balances" by Wale. he's in my top 5 of all-time. LOVE this song, but the whole album goes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T43FdLosNGw